A Crash Course on Biking

Before I was born, my mom read a parenting article that advised her to eat a bunch of carrots if she wanted me to be intelligent. She's credulous like that. So, when she gave birth to me, I was a whopping 12-pound baby that looked like a neon orange tree stump. Carotenaemia they called it. I was orange from head to toe. Freshly glazed, sautéed carrot orange. My pinky toe was especially orange. 
For some reason, this did not change. My pinky toe, as opposed to the rest of my body, which lightened up over time, transformed from carrot orange to dark chestnut. Until one day, it turned the deepest oozing shade of red.
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It was particularly windy that night. As I was cruising down the open streets on my bicycle jamming to R.Kelly’s ‘I Believe I Can Fly’ through my earphones, I decided that the only way to really enjoy the sweet tune and crisp breeze was to close my eyes. 

And I flew. 
Just like R.Kelly told me to.

I spread my wings. I touched the sky. 
Although it wasn’t exactly the sky,
nor was it a touch. 
But a curb and a crash.
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Obviously, the parenting book my mom read about eating carrots was complete bullshit. Among the loose chains and the broken spokes, sat a tiny dark chestnut stub. It was actually pretty darn cute considering that it was a piece of my pinky toe. I watched it cry a thick oozing chili red onto the pavement and laughed to myself. All I could think of was that nursery rhyme: ‘And this little piggie cried wee wee wee all the way home,’ I joked. I don't know why I was so hysterical. Perhaps I was in shock. I was probably in shock. The neighbors were probably shocked too when they found me having a laughing seizure in a bloody puddle of toe tears. 
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Nevertheless, every time I have the chance to cruise down an open street on my bike, I will never hesitate to do it with my eyes closed. There's just something about the thrill of falling that makes the experience worthy. Maybe I'll fall off my bike again. And if that does happen, I hope that all my toes get chopped off a little so they all can align and look proportional again. Oh my god, I sound like a psychopath. 
I’m kinda glad I lost the top of my pinky toe. It makes one heck of a party story. I think the half of it that's left serves as a reminder for me. Always be cautious when making a decision. And never ever eat carrots if I want my kids to be intelligent.  

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